Got Ben Stein?

Have you seen Ben Stein lately? I mean besides the work he has done in movies, like Ferris Bueller's Day Off, in television, like The Wonder Years, and the two shows he is currently hosting on Comedy Central, such as Win Ben Stein's Money? Well, you could meet Ben Stein in person on a college campus–more exactly at The Catholic University of America this spring.

Ben Stein has now become a college lecturer. He has entertained millions worldwide with his dry wit and thousands of college students with his entertaining combination of intellectual dynamism and his profound insights on life.

Recently, several organizations have come together to get Ben Stein's speaking fee reduced considerably so that Catholic University can afford him. Previously, Ben Stein cost $30,000, but we're now able to see him live for a mere $20,000 because of our recent success in getting noteworthy lecturers. Since Ben Stein is a megastar living all the way out in LA, $20,000 is nothing compared to what other universities pay to have him speak to their students. This is an incredible opportunity to have someone of national reputation speak on our campus.

I strongly believe that we should have someone of national recognition and prestige speak to CUA students. Ben Stein is extremely entertaining, a cross between actor, game and talk show host, political commentator, and even musician. Best of all, his visit to CUA is all within reason and very feasible to coordinate and plan. However, in order to invite Ben Stein, we need to show Campus Programs and USG that we really want to have Ben Stein speak at CUA. I urge all interested students at this university to write letters to The Tower and tell them how you feel. Tell Campus Programs and USG that you want Ben Stein!

Since we all pay $75 for student activities each semester, we're entitled to solid, entertaining campus programs that everyone can enjoy free of charge! Let's change "Got Ben Stein?" to "We have Ben Stein!" With your help, we can do it!

Sincerely,

Brian D. Jones
Freshman Politics Major
Senator, Class of 2005

Bookstore Censorship

When I first found out that the bookstore had pulled two books off of the shelf because they mentioned contraception I was, like many people, shocked and disgusted, but, after reading Mr. Schwenkler's letter in the last Tower, I was convinced that was the correct decision. Certainly, we are a Catholic University and, therefore, must uphold the Church's high moral standards (whatever they are). My only concern is that we have not gone far enough; let's face it, this school is in such a state of moral depravity that Sodom and Gomorrah look like Disneyland. The only reasonable way of rectifying this problem is to deny all access to any questionable influences. After all, the students simply cannot be trusted to police themselves; the risk is too high.
I propose that we carry on Mr. Schwenkler's struggle and move on to phase two of the forced morality game plan. What is phase two, you may ask; well it is when we go beyond books that are simply available and begin removing those that are required reading or reference sources for classes. Let us not forget that Catholic comes before University in "The Catholic University of America." Therefore, beginning tomorrow I will start a petition to remove several more books from the shelves. First, all dictionaries, thesauruses, and encyclopedias because they contain the words abortion, contraception, homosexuality, and penis (not to mention numerous other words so vile that they are not suitable for print) must be removed or at least edited with a Sharpie. Second, Bibles will only be available if they leave out the Old Testament because of several tales of fratricide, incest, and prostitution. Third, St. Augustine's Confessions - his debauchery would just give students bad ideas. And finally, we will petition to remove all texts in ancient philosophy; pedophilia and paganism are simply not good ideas at a Catholic institution. If you feel that I have left a few books off of the list please let me know so that no profanity will remain in order to corrupt the student body.
Soon to follow will be phase three in which classes will be cancelled and departments closed. The Anthropology Department is right out, so many bare breasted natives and obscenely large penis sheaths must constitute pornography. All Media Studies classes that show a film above a PG rating or even mention a Disney cartoon that has one of those hidden messages will be canceled. Sociology and Social Work will both be heavily regulated to ensure that no case studies involving single parents, drug abuse, or criminal behavior are ever mentioned. Also any class on the Enlightenment must stop immediately and, while we're at it, say goodbye to Irish Studies (too much drinking), Literature and Drama (too many homosexual authors), Women's Studies (feminism is just silly), Human Biology (God forbid you even mention the word ovaries), and Psychology (honestly, I just don't like it). Luckily, the Church changed its stance on Galileo a few years ago so we can keep teaching that. Yet, the approval was given after Vatican II so it's still somewhat questionable. We should probably get rid of it just to be safe.
And if you still don't think the school is safe, then just wait until phase four when Mr. Schwenkler will be appointed Lord Protectorate of CUA. That's right, we're going to go Oliver Cromwell on this university.

Michael Talbot
x2618

Fan Interference

A 21-year-old baby-faced kid from Havre de Grace, Md. trotted out to third base for the first inning of a game against the Toronto Blue Jays on May 30, 1982.

Several months into a brand new season, Cal Ripken, Jr. was a youngster up from the Triple-A Rochester Red Wings. Earl Weaver, the Hall of Fame manager of the Baltimore Orioles, inserted Ripken into game one of an historical streak that would span more than fifteen seasons.

Next weekend, baseball’s Iron Man will conclude his legendary career in Baltimore. During his two decades in Major League Baseball, Ripken has been the personification of everything that is good about America’s pastime. Fans who were alienated by the baseball strike of 1994 were drawn back to the game, attracted by the spirit of Cal’s consecutive games streak.

Turned off by the bickering between millionaire players and the uppity owners, fans appreciated Cal’s hard work and dedication to the game of baseball. A sprained ankle in 1985 or a twisted knee in 1993 didn’t stop him; Ripken loved to play.

Cal’s retirement marks the end of a career that redefined shortstops, the position Weaver switched Ripken to in the 1982 season. Except for Honus Wagner, shortstops had traditionally been small, lanky athletes. Cal paved the road for power hitters such as Alex Rodriguez and Nomar Garciaparra.

He will be remembered for more than The Streak. In addition to 2,632 consecutive games played, 3,000 hits, 431 home runs, two Gold Gloves, two MVP awards, a Rookie of the Year Award, and a World Series Championship are highlights of a storied career that place Cal among the great shortstops of all time.

On October 6, Cal will trot out to third base for the final time, leaving baseball with a tear in its eyes and a wealth of memories to treasure for a lifetime.

Thanks for the memories Cal, and we’ll see you in Cooperstown.

Football Drops ODAC Opener to Randolph-Macon

Senior quarterback Derek McGee’s fourth down pass sailed over the end zone as time expired, sealing a 24-20 win for Randolph-Macon on Saturday in the Old Dominion Athletic Conference (ODAC) opener for both teams. The Cardinals did not play a consistent game, but they had the ball at midfield with three minutes remaining, trailing only by four. However, an intentional grounding penalty and poor clock management stalled Catholic’s final drive, leaving the Cards with a last second shot at the end zone from 28 yards out.

Between second and third down on the final drive, the Cards let the clock bleed for about 20 seconds, precious time that cost them another shot at a touchdown. Catholic failed to utilize all their timeouts.

“It was poor organization,” said head coach Rob Ambrose. “I didn’t think it would take that long to get the play ready.”

Catholic’s offense, though impressive at times, failed to show any consistency through the course of the game. Three first half drives stalled in Randolph-Macon territory, including two as a result of failed fourth down conversions.

On the other side of the ball, the Cardinal defense was hindered by the absence of senior cornerback James Parker, who was suspended for a half after being ejected in Catholic’s most recent game against Franklin & Marshall. Randolph-Macon took advantage by burning the Cardinal secondary for several big plays, including a 54-yard touchdown pass for the first score of the game.

After Catholic’s ensuing drive ended with a punt by senior Mike Fleet, Randolph-Macon drove 90 yards in 4:27 to post the second touchdown of the game.

The Cardinals answered with their first impressive drive of the game, stringing some big running plays together with a couple of huge catches by freshman receiver Nick Bublavi and junior receiver Dan Evans. The drive culminated with a 13-yard scoring strike from McGee to sophomore receiver Patrick Truxillo.

Catholic wasted a golden opportunity to tie the game in the waning minutes of the second half. After junior cornerback Denis Campbell picked up a fumble in Randolph-Macon territory, the Cards went three-and-out, turning the ball over after a failed fourth down conversion. Randolph-Macon, aided by a questionable facemask penalty, marched the ball down the field in the final minutes of the half for a touchdown. The Cards headed to the locker room trailing 21-7.

The Cardinal defense, aided by the return of Parker, stepped it up in the second half. An interception by senior tackle Drew Anderson gave Catholic great field position, leading to a second TD catch by Truxillo.

However, on the ensuing Randolph-Macon drive, an un-sportsmanlike conduct penalty by Catholic gave the Yellow Jackets the opportunity to extend their lead to 24-14.

Toward the end of the third quarter, the Cardinal defense put more points on the board when sophomore linebacker John Blattner returned an interception 12 yards for a touchdown. The extra point attempt was wide left.

Time ran out on the Cardinal comeback when McGee’s last ditch pass fell incomplete.

“Although we played tremendous in some spots,” said Ambrose, “we didn’t have a 60-minute team effort.”

The Cards try for a consistent performance tomorrow, as they travel to Philadelphia to battle Div. I-AA La Salle University. Catholic will next play at home on Oct. 20, when they host Hampden-Sydney.

Field Hockey Topples 5th-Ranked MWC

The field hockey team continued their great season Wednesday, knocking off fifth-ranked Mary Washington College (MWC) in a 5-4 thriller. The Cards preceded the upset with a 1-0 victory over Goucher Saturday.

The Cards faced their toughest test Wednesday against MWC, and they pulled out a victory in a wild match. Sophomore Danielle Deon and junior Sondra Pires scored two goals apiece for Catholic, who ended a 10-game winless streak against the Eagles.

Freshman Rebecca Clark put the Cards on the board early, notching a goal 1:28 into the match, which was assisted by senior Andi Snyder. Two minutes later, Deon added her first tally of the game, putting Catholic up 2-0.

After the Eagles fought back to tie the game, Deon found the back of the net again with just under eight minutes remaining in the half.

In the second half, the Cardinal offense picked up steam by creating many scoring opportunities, two of which resulted in penalty strokes. Pires connected on the first stroke at 30:22 and added her second goal at 20:06.

The Eagles showed their talent through the rest of the match, applying offensive pressure, which generated two MWC penalty strokes. Both resulted in Eagle goals, cutting the Catholic lead to 5-4.

The Cardinal defense tightened to preserve the victory, aided by the eight saves of junior goalie Katie Iannacone. It was the Cardinal’s second victory of the season against a nationally ranked team. CUA’s record stands at 6-1, the only loss coming to top-ranked Salisbury State.

Saturday, the Cards traveled to Towson, Md. to battle Goucher College. In a hard played match, CUA prevailed, recording the 1-0 victory. Junior Stephanie Roselle preserved the shutout for Iannacone by scoring in the last four minutes of the game.

Catholic was hurt by a slow playing field, impeding their quick style of play. “We dug it out, made adjustments and got the job done,” said Thompson.

The Cards will host Christopher Newport, at 1 p.m. tomorrow at DuFour.

Men’s Soccer Overcomes Deficit For Overtime Victory

The men’s soccer team fought back from a 2-0 deficit to a sensational 3-2 overtime victory over Shenandoah College yesterday afternoon. It was a huge win after Saturday’s disappointing 3-0 defeat at the hands of St. Mary’s College.

After a scrappy first half with few scoring chances, Shenandoah took the lead midway through the second 45-minute period. Their forward took the ball and rounded junior goalie Todd Magin before slotting home into the vacant net. Another goal followed shortly afterwards, as the Catholic defense was outdone by Shenandoah’s speed.

The game appeared to be heading toward another Catholic defeat; the players looked tired and slow like they did in the second half of their loss to St. Mary’s. It was clear the team needed a spark to get them going, or else they would fall into a three game losing streak.

The jumpstart for the Cardinals was provided by a scorching 35-yard goal courtesy of sophomore Pat Hennessy in the 73rd minute. The goal gave head coach Scott Racek’s team a glimmer of hope in their quest to beat Shenandoah.

Catholic roared forward, searching for the equalizer to take the game into overtime. They would need to do so without highly rated versatile player Michael Corrigan, who sustained a leg injury during a quality performance.

With time running out in the 84th minute, the ball fell to freshman Dan Finn on the edge of the box. He swiveled smartly and caressed the ball sweetly past the hapless keeper into the corner of the goal. The goal capped another fine display from the rookie, who coincidentally was coached by Racek throughout his high school career. When asked about his prot

Volleyball Dominates Salisbury Tourney

Catholic volleyball got back on track after the recent Gallaudet loss by winning the Sea Gull Invitational this past weekend, their third straight tournament championship. CUA also defeated conference opponent Marymount in three straight games on Tuesday night.

Catholic overwhelmed the teams in the Sea Gull Invitational, winning each of the four matches in straight games. CUA’s biggest conference rival, Salisbury University, hosted the tournament and lost to the Cardinals.

“I wasn’t surprised with the way we played. I was surprised with the lack of competition at the tournament,” said head coach Nagy Abdelrazek, who said he was especially surprised with the lack of talent shown by Salisbury and Frostburg State. CUA also trounced Richard Stockton and Eastern (Pa.) College in the weekend tournament.

“I think we have proven that Gallaudet was a fluke,” said Abdelrazek, who has coached his team to a record of 14-1, 1-1 in the Capital Athletic Conference this season and a ranking of 26th in the nation.

Catholic continued their domination of Marymount Tuesday, however Abdelrazek felt that the team could have done better.

“We seem to play down to the level of teams who are not as talented as we are. We take the win for granted,” said Abdelrazek, explaining the psychological aspect of volleyball.

One of the reasons for CUA’s quick recovery is the play of junior setter Bridget Guetle, who has contributed to the success of the Cardinals this season.

“It is tough to be the setter. A big aspect of my game is mental. I have to set up the offense while paying attention to how the other team is defending our attack,” stated Guetle, who was CUA female athlete of the year in 2000.

Catholic volleyball has played at the top of their game this year, exceeding the success of recent years.

“Strong leadership has been vital to our successful team,” said Guetle, who joins four seniors who are looked to for inspiration during low points in games.

With the return of Liz Carden and Kelly Kings, two leaders for Catholic, the Cards are now at full strength.

“Thank God for having her [Carden] back. She did an excellent job in the past four games, especially coming off her shoulder injury,” said Abdelrazek.

Liz Carden and Mary Ellen Ryan account for almost half of the Cardinals’ total offense.

Catholic will need as much leadership as possible this weekend as they make the long trip down to Atlanta, Ga. to participate in the Emory Tournament. They will face Emory College, who is sixth in the nation in Division III. It will be a true test of skill for the Cardinals, and a prelude to how well the girls may do in the NCAA tournament if they earn a bid this year.

Catholic will be back at Dufour on Oct. 10 to face York College, another conference rival.

We're Not Arson Investigators, But…

Dinner at North. Spellman toilets on fire. Coincidence? We think not.

Justice for Hermits

For all of those freshmen who just can’t bear to see the light of day, have no fear. Your voice has been heard. That’s right, USG made it possible for all fresh-faced hermits to vote for their favorite candidates without moving a butt cheek. From the glorious privacy of their own rooms, their own desks, and their own brand new Gateway computers, scores of anti-social freshmen voted in this week’s elections. Believe it or not, this new technological innovation was carried off without a hitch, and it’s a good thing, too. Now all of us upperclassmen won’t have to trudge all the way to (gasp!) UCE to vote this spring.

Book 'Em, Danno

Students haven’t dodged cucumbers in the dining hall yet this year, but is the problem solved? It seems as though the notorious customer service we once attributed to Sodexho-Marriott has since switched gears to a loftier palace — Mullen Library. As the stacks are being remodeled to create a more user-friendly environment, it seems library assistance has become increasingly user-nasty. One student was reportedly removed by a public safety officer for entering the building with a beverage. Other students have complained of “unnecessary bitterness” and “refusal to smile” as typical symptoms of CUA librarian syndrome. Let’s just hope all this aggression doesn’t result in any run-by bookings.

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